Random II

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He said I am confused about my direction. He left me questioning myself and my ideas. I asked him to specify but he changed the subject so I have to figure it out on my own. He is right to think that way. I don't judge his judgement. But I know that there's lack of understanding in this statement. It's okay. I will not explain myself because its of no use. 

I have things on my mind but that is not enough. One has to have time and presence of mind to turn those ideas into actions. Yes I am always talking (to myself about doing this and that) but its all talking and he doesn't see any thing substantial so he is right in a way. 

But who is going to change it. When am I going to have 'enough' time to have my ideas come true. Nobody tells me that. 

What did I want to say? Why did I come here? I just wanted to let it out to keep me going I guess. It gets quite strenuous to keep your mouth shut for hours on end. I have been reading a lot these days. But I can either read or write in a day. How should I time my time in order to get important things done. There is a lot behind the facade if anybody is interested to at least bother. 

It also makes me think that is why in old times, in our culture, women were discouraged to have ambition. Because there is no time for it literally. When a woman has to do every chore on her own then there's little time left and that should be dedicated to taking rest (begrudgingly- on the part of those who idealized women that way). So the women never took up any ambition just because of the simple reason. They were kept so much busy in the day-to-day normal chores that they won't have any ideas about well, ambition. How many times have I used this word. I apologize for that. Anyway, so what should be done about that. 

How to break that vicious cycle while living in this mindset. 

Women should uplift women. That is the only way, in my opinion, to move forward. If I help somebody to realize their ideas then somebody would help me in another to continue my work. It's a cycle we must start in order to turn ideas into reality. 

But then nobody gives damn about what you think and how you want to function and the good ideas die slowly their own death.   
Ye khaki apni fitrat mein na noori hai na naari hai.

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